Have I Got A Deal For You!

Sung by Dan & Ma Cue: “If I ever hear of an idea more ridiculous than putting my money in your show, I’ll eat that hat of yours!” (Dan singing) Madam, have I got a deal for you— An investment with sure-fire return, People are hungry for a new frontier And back east they have greenbacks to burn! Just a gun and a horse and a tallish tale And a mildly colorful name, And all the banker’s wives leave their opera seats For a hero of Western fame, Yes, a hero of Western Fame! (Ma singing) What kind of fool do you take me for? I know your kind too well... You’d steal your mother’s last good tooth If you thought it just might sell! I haven’t worked for these twenty years Just to fly-by-night give it away! Rosie and I have a future here No pipe-dream can lead us astray, No pipe-dream will lead us astray! (Dan & Ma sing together... not to each other, but facing away from center, both thinking of their own teetering dreams) Just think... All the work I’ve done, All the battles I’ve won, I’m nearly fifty-one! I can’t let it end this way! On the brink... Of pay-off time, All the nickels and dimes... I’m not in my prime! I can’t let it fall half-way! (Ma singing, resolved) Mister, have I got a deal for you, And I’ll swear by Bethlehem’s star! You be gone by the morning’s earliest light I’ll not tell ‘em what a rouge you are! Watch out! Or you’ll push me too far! (Dan & Ma sing together... at each other, each building the case for their own hard work) Just think... All the work I’ve done, All the battles I’ve won, I’m nearly fifty-one! I can’t let it end this way! On the brink... Of pay-off time, All the nickels and dimes... I’m not in my prime! I can’t let it fall half-way! (Rosie enters behind, unseen by Ma... Dan singing, making the pretense of giving in) Madam, I see you’re a woman with sense, Though I cannot persuade you of mine... Some things in life are a matter of fate, I’ll respect where you’ve drawn the line... (Dan grinning, turns to sing last line as an aside, knowing he has won as Rosie approaches Ma) And the fruit rolls away from the vine! (Music ends abruptly, Rosie speaks with determination to Ma) Rosie – Ma... I’ve decided it’s best to straight out tell you. I’m joining Deadeye Dan’s Wild West Show.